Empty House
by Limalani Lelet
Most people have the fear of being judged or caring about what people think, especially for high school students who have the need of wanting to fit in and/or wanting to be liked by other people. When it comes to not favoring being alone, it ties into a sort of peer pressure feeling, all because of how the thoughts of others, even if not said out loud, can affect the way some people think about themselves. There are people who do what they do and sometimes regret what they did mainly because they were either doing it to fit in and wanting to be like everyone else or they didn’t want to seem like the kind of person who gets judged and hated on at most times. Peer pressure mostly is seen as a bad thing but in some cases there can be a good kind of peer pressure and doesn’t always have you end up feeling like you don’t fit in but instead may lead to you feeling more accomplished.
In the short story “Shooting an Elephant” by George Orwell, Orwell has some regrets in his life now for shooting an elephant that he didn’t even want to kill in the first place. Of course he had second thoughts about it but what was done was done, he was under peer pressure by everyone in town who on most days cursed and hated him for being him, until this one day he got reported about a destructive elephant on the loose and with all the chaos he heard about him having to shoot the elephant, he was in a situation he couldn’t back out of. The whole town was waiting for it to happen, he had no choice but to shoot the elephant anyways, although walking down town hearing cheers instead of insults made him feel different. It's not that he’d rather shoot the elephant than go on and live his life the way it was, knowing it’s not a life he wants, but it was because he was basically forced to it. After his last few shots he knew he already regretted it. Yes, he liked being praised by the people but he also knew he was being praised for something that wasn’t right. Sitting there waiting and watching the elephant take its last few breaths, he couldn't do anything about it so he got up and just left, with the feeling of guilt and regret.
This reminds me a lot of how I was peer pressured by my friends to go inside of an unlocked and not used house. My stomach had that nervous feeling and I knew I shouldn’t be going inside somewhere like that but all the other kids looked like they were having fun, if I were to tell them we shouldn’t they would think I was no fun or that I was a scaredy-cat so I went in anyways. We only stayed there for about thirty minutes before getting caught by a worker who probably thought kids under the age of 9 were up to no good. The worst part was that he recognized some of us and knew exactly who our parents were. That feeling in my stomach started getting worse by the hour and I was too scared to even go home. Time passed and it was getting dark, every weekend we would play cops and robbers so my parents wouldn’t suspect anything to why I was coming home late. In the middle of the game I saw one of my friend’s moms have a talk with my dad in the front of my house. That feeling in my stomach didn’t go away at all, seeing her walk away from the door made me want to throw up so instead of staying to continue the game I ran inside through the back door, rushed to the bathroom and started freaking out. I locked the door and heard my own heart pounding. I opened the door for my dad and he already knew I was scared just by looking at my sorry face. Knowing my dad can get mad easily, his yelling didn’t give me time to apologize, I wasn’t allowed to go back out that night to keep playing and it made me have more guilt and regret. I tend to overthink a lot even as a kid, I spent a long time in the shower wondering what it would be like if I told the other kids we shouldn’t, went straight to sleep wondering if I were able to go back in time to change the past and not care about what the other kids would’ve said to me but cared more about the consequences my actions have, I wouldn’t have a feeling of regret.
Not all stories have to end with the feeling of regret due to some sort of peer pressure, even the slightest amount of peer pressure. Something like peer pressure can still have you feeling like you want to fit in some way but it doesn’t always end leaving the person with a sense of guilt or regret, like how in the short story “Through the Tunnel” by Doris Lessing, just by wanting to be like the older dudes, he was under pressure and curiosity of wanting to swim through the same tunnel the other guys swam through. It started off with splashing with each other to them leaving him by swimming through a tunnel he didn’t know about. When he finally discovered the tunnel he made it his mission to find out where it leads to. Even if that took him going through the pain of dealing with having to hold his breath longer than he usually does, feeling light headed, having nose bleeds and even fainting on the spot. With all that pain he had to endure, he managed to reach the end of the tunnel and come back to the surface with no trouble. Accomplished mission and reached his goal with not very much peer pressure but it was obvious the pressure was still there, not pushing him to a bad path in life but helping him overcome his limitations in a way.
I would say I can kind of relate to this story somehow, with the help of a little peer pressure and a lot of struggles along the way, I managed to overcome limits of my own. Growing up I have always been the shy quiet kid who gets really annoying once you get to actually know me, with that being said, being shy was the cause to why I couldn’t talk in front of a lot of people or not liking when people stare, and basically everything that involves having to socialize in general. I lived in Kwaj for the first 10 years of my life. A couple months after my tenth birthday we had to move to Ebeye because of the new company. In movies there would be kids called ‘new girl at school’ but in my case I was the ‘new girl on island’ . My siblings grew up on Ebeye before I was born so they fitted in really well. For me, not so much, I was having trouble just because I only spoke English. My cousin Nene was kind enough to show me around and introduce me to some people whom I am proud to call some of my friends. They pushed me to be a better Marshallese version of myself, they knew I get embarrassed and shy real easily but they were kind and patient enough to understand my struggle. They were the kind of people who didn’t make fun of me each time I tried to speak my own language, which was really embarrassing knowing that I grew up not knowing how to speak the same language as my ancestors whom I wouldn’t be here without. For five years, I have dealt with embarrassment of myself, having a fixed mindset, and developing a low self-esteem. Throughout those five years my friends have played a trick on me by not responding until I speak Marshallese, they told me it was a way to get used to it and it kind of worked. They know I don’t like feeling embarrassed so they pressured me into feeling like everyone judges and stares at me whenever I speak english in public. Thanks to them, I have gotten better and used to speaking Marshallese.
As you may know, from Through the Tunnel, there wasn’t that much peer pressure involved but when reading the short story, you can kind of see the kind of peer pressure I related to. There was pain throughout the short essay and my connection but both leading to a well ending for the story and for me. Honestly, life without peer pressure or any kind of pressure at all is boring, everyone should be able to feel a rush of excitement or a strong desire to accomplish a goal. To help you get pushed further, the pressure rises higher than you expect.