A Modest Proposal Concerning Homelessness

Yamila Johnson

Satire

Around one in every 500 Americans are homeless. Homeless people are ruining the potential beauty of the United States, known as one of the most naturally diverse countries in the world containing desserts, snow, forests, etc. by dispersing themselves all throughout. But I am quite sure there’s a way to solve this problem. In order to solve homelessness I propose we set up a nation-wide subscription plan. This plan would cause homeless people to pay $50 every month to ensure they’re not homeless. 

Every homeless person can get a job, all they need is a shower. Even if they don’t get a job, they all sit on the side of the streets begging for money. I believe, focusing on the ones who don’t have a job, one month is enough to gain $50 just from donations of others. These $50 would go into the subscription where a small space would be available for them so they could sleep, clean, and attempt to work. Once they finally get a job, even if it’s super low income, they’ll always have that $50 to put into the subscription. It’s a great plan! 

Of course there’s always the solution of free housing to solve homelessness, but let’s be real, giving these people houses just because they sign a few forms is wasting housing that can be paid for! Don’t we want to build our economy? Not just let it get by, by allowing people who can’t even afford anything to take nice houses? It’s not like we’re one of the top powers in the world or anything and can afford to let people in need get by, we can’t! Let’s say there really is no way for the homeless people to contribute to the subscription, then that means that they’ll continue to be homeless. But where there’s a will, there’s a way, and whoever doesn’t want to be homeless would step up and solve it, no matter what. 

Furthermore focusing on the ones who cannot carry out this subscription, I vote we put them all in a singular place. Literally nobody else ruins nature the way homeless people do so why not put them in a gated community; meaning a gate surrounding a large patch of dirt where they’d be forced to stay, to keep up the beauty of course. When you have largely influential people supporting my proposition like governors and politicians, it proves that everyone who’s a true American should support this. How can we consider ourselves a strong beautiful nation if we allow them to continue their evil reign?

My solution is without a doubt the best solution. Everyone will benefit. It’ll teach those lazy homeless people to learn how to be real Americans. To have pride in themselves and their country. To work for what they have. Nobody wants to sit out and feed these random people or sit at a desk all day deciding which person’s application reflects being homeless more than another, as if it’s an accomplishment! How would these “people in need” appreciate something just handed to them? It’s quite literally the same as if you allow a spoiled child to continue to get away with doing nothing. Both have things constantly handed to them, and both don’t deserve it! To save America from these degenerates who nine times out of ten made the stupid decision to be homeless, let’s enforce this plan.