Cloning and AI: The Solution to Loneliness
David Smith
No one is exempt from the drastic effects of climate change. It is causing droughts, hunger, floods, terrible weather, and poverty (United Nations). It is depriving people of the luxurious lives they could be living by sapping the government's money and our own. And the largest cause of this issue? Transportation. 38% of climate change is caused by transportation such as cars, buses, planes, and trucks (Congressional Budget Office). And ¾ of this is caused by road travel such as cars and buses (Ritchie). In addition, creating these methods of transportation, such as manufacturing cars, also releases large amounts of greenhouse gases. The quick way to reduce climate change a drastic amount would be to solve this issue. However, a more effective, immediate solution would be to eliminate the issue entirely. So, I modestly propose that all travel by road, including but not limited to trucks, cars, and buses, be eliminated.
There are many benefits to this plan. First, all the money spent on these forms of transportation would be saved. The government would no longer need to spend large amounts of money on constructing and repairing roads. Furthermore, people would no longer have to pay for cars or their upkeep and could spend the money elsewhere. The large amount of money people spend on gas could be spent elsewhere and complaints about the high prices of gas would cease. Overall, it saves a large amount of money for everyone involved. Secondly, all road related accidents and deaths would be prevented. “Approximately 1.19 million people die each year as a result of road traffic crashes.” (World Health Organization) All of these unfortunate deaths could be prevented if cars were not used. The whole world would become a lot safer. Thirdly, everyone’s lifestyle would drastically improve. Instead of driving a car everywhere, people would get exercise and fresh air. Walking, biking, and other forms of exercise would become more important. Everyone would be healthier, and their lifespans would improve. The quality of air would also improve. All of these benefits would occur almost immediately after the plan is put into effect, and they are incredibly helpful to everyone involved.
Of course, other less drastic solutions might be suggested. However, none of these plans have the same benefits as simply removing all road travel. For example, some scientists believe alternative fuels could be used. However, this requires research, which requires a great deal of money. It also requires time and does not have any immediate benefits other than increased spending. Furthermore, it does not have the guarantee of safety or financial benefits my plan does. In addition, removing cars ensures a higher quality lifestyle for everyone involved. Similarly, if electric cars were used none of the previous benefits would apply. Alternative solutions would require extra time and are much less effective while removing the benefits my plan provides.
Overall, this plan is quick, effective, and benefits everyone immediately. More than 28% of climate change could be removed by eliminating road travel. All money spent on cars, the roads, gas, or other related costs could be spent elsewhere helping the economy. In addition, everyone would be safer and experience a higher quality lifestyle. There would be no more road related deaths, and everyone's health and life spans would improve. Other plans such as electric cars or alternative fuel sources do not have any of the benefits removing road travel would have and require unnecessary time, research, and money. Creating a solution is much less effective than simply removing the problem. The effect people are having on the environment would drastically decrease, ensuring a future for everyone. I myself and other students here cannot participate in this plan because here on Kwajalein road travel is not used. Despite this, I am certain that the benefits of this plan are in everyone's interest including ours and I encourage everyone else to put it into effect as soon as possible. Reject the vehicles that are causing your problems and take control of your own life, claiming the benefits you could have.
On a graph of the spread of STDs and loneliness in comparison to time, the graph makes a big “X.” This is great news for public health—terrible news for the social development of our youth. Is the lack of sexual activity (and mistakes) amongst young people the problem? No, obviously lack of disease spread is a positive trend. Unfortunately, this graph is not due to lack of libido. Our youth simply isn’t learning to talk to each other. According to a recent poll, 9 in 10 Americans reported strong feelings of loneliness. Additionally, a recent poll has also shown that 1 in 10 Americans are lying. Anxiety runs rampant, and what solution have we given them? Virtue-signaling mental health months and catchy logans on Instagram? We need a more tangible solution. Luckily, scientific progress seems to be leading the way. Introducing the ultimate cure to why you can’t get a girlfriend: AI and cloning.
Technology is constantly evolving; it will not be long before AI and cloning technology meet at a crossroads. Imagine a world in which all you need is some DNA and a computer to make a human. You can raise your own life from the dust. Ladies, do you want a perfect, 6’5” man with ripped abs who is sensitive but not weak? Want someone that doesn’t get insecure about your standards? Now you can have him. Simply pick a specimen, wring out his sweaty football jersey, and all your BookTok fantasies can come true. Boys, love the way that girl looks but hate everything about her personality? Collect a hair and plug in your ideal personality type (e.g. none), and you’ll have a girl that looks hot and doesn’t voice her own pesky little opinions. Why tax yourself with hopeless endeavors of socialization when you could simply make a girl that offers no challenge and only wants you to tickle her throat with? If you get bored, make a new toy.
Perhaps a girlfriend or boyfriend is beyond your specific ambitions. Perhaps we should start smaller. Remember your imaginary friend from childhood? He doesn’t have to be imaginary much longer. Best friends never fight—they always agree with you on everything. They don’t judge you for your weird hyper fixations or lack of social awareness. When real humans—sorry, cis humans—argue with you, your imaginary friend can defend you and cover your lack of rhetorical skills. It’s like liking your own comment on Instagram but so much more gratifying.
Naysayers and people born before the year 2000 may take issue with such a novel approach. Back in the days of old, people simply learned to communicate and make the most of interactions. Is the social anxiety epidemic a product of a generation that grew up online? There is quite a strong argument to be made there. People grow up seeing a digital reality and expecting real life to conform to what Instagram tells them their lives should look like. All of the short form “Why I flash my husband once an hour” reels and “Every friend group looks like this” videos are consumed without the skepticism that a more traditional written work with the same premise would. Even the movie scenes that get clipped and posted focus on isolated moments without taking in the full depth of the plot—the edits are either sad, happy, romantic or any other generic emotion stripped completely of nuance. Social media suggests content that builds a reality that is ideal in a world where nobody else exists with thoughts of their own. The world is made out to be a roleplaying game, one in which we are disappointed upon the unsettling truth that we are, in fact, not the main characters. Perhaps instead of progressing in this realm of self-satisfactory advancement, we should halt the erudition and take in the real world around us—perhaps even take a few steps back.
Eh, that’s too complicated. As is true with most problems, it’s much easier to simply let ChatGPT solve it for you. The world is your oyster, do crack. Boys, you can make your perfect hourglass sex toy—simply make a snowman and insert your baby carrot. To all the single ladies: go get your Jeff Bezos divorce income. The process is simple—all you need is a hair from his head.