maybe 

by Anonymous

maybe i walked out of the womb with it

is it possible to be born 

with such a heavy heart

maybe it followed me in the car

on the long winding roads

the roads that made me sick

the roads that led to places where 

it wasn’t wanted 

maybe it came with me from place to place

maybe it was a gift

maybe i was just destined to 

spend my life

wondering what i did

to make me deserve this

maybe it was on my mothers face

as we watched my father deploy

again

and again

maybe it came from the secrets 

lingering in the walls of our family home 

from the books lining the walls

or the back room where we slept 

from the big cold basement

where i pretended i was one of the big kids

maybe i grew up too fast

maybe it came from the boys

the criticizing 

harassing 

boys 

maybe if I would been quiet

if I would been more ladylike

maybe it came from my clothes

if i would dressed nicer

covered my shoulders 

and my body

maybe it was implanted in me

like a baby

i didn't want

like a baby 

I was forced to have

maybe I should just let it happen 

maybe I asked for it

or maybe I just deserved it

maybe i should have fought harder against it

maybe it was engraved into my DNA the day I was made

or maybe it was everything

all at once.

-where the depression came from