speak
Anonymous
I speak but she does not
hear,
My words fall upon deaf ears.
Her mind is set in stone, And my voice just does not have a home.
My mom makes her own proclamations,
Without room for my observations.
She thinks she's always right,
And doesn't care if it leads to a fight.
Her excuses are always at the ready,
To defend her actions that are not so steady.
She says she's too busy, Or it's just a phase and I'm too dizzy.
But I know the truth in my heart,
Her actions tear me apart.
I wish she would listen and understand,
That I too have a voice and a stand.
For a mother's love is supposed to be kind, And not just meant to bend and grind.
To my mom, I want to say, Please listen to me and pave the way.
She didn’t know someone took away my innocence unlocked a version of me that was completely foreign but that was the attraction right? breaking something
that has never been broken being the first to touch me to care for me to lie about loving' me i'm not a clueless child i know what you were doing i wish you didn't treat me like it that you stopped being a liar and told me from the beginning my innocence was your only desire
My hands never stop shaking,
Holding onto memories of your eyes, Those soulless eyes.
That dark stare.
You have corrupted every part of me.
My thoughts are not even free from your grasp.
That tight, suffocating grasp, That cements me to the floor, Covers my wings in tar, Hinders me in every capacity.
not only did i let you touch my heart & soul
i let you touch me, the parts of me i hid away from the world the parts of me i was too scared to show anyone else
you touched me and i let you, because you felt safe
& then you left
you left me naked & cold alone & scared
you left,
because you got what you wanted.
You'll never understand what you did to me that night.
You'll never understand how it plagues my brain
How no matter what I do I cannot scrub myself clean from the memory of you.
You'll never understand, that much is clear.
No matter how many times I've said it,
No matter how many times I wanted to scream my pain at you.
To make you feel what you did to me.
But it wouldn't have mattered would it?
you completely destroyed me. you ruined me.
and I know that's probably what you wanted. you're probably licking the venom off of your lips with a callous smile
knowing that even after 3 years,
you are still ruining me in every way possible. I hate knowing that I'll never move past this, past you and what you've done. I can't shake the trauma and I can't ignore the fear.
I was just a kid.
I was only 15. so were you,
but you saw me as prey when I saw you as my savior. if only i had known that you'd be the worst thing to ever happen to me.
Twenty five years later and I still shake at night. i still get the nightmares, i still get consumed by anger,
and the only way to release it is to write. But I'm so sick of writing about you. I'm sick of thinking about you. I'm sick of you crawling your way into everything I do.
This is my life.
and you never deserved me.